The first thing I did in 2018 was take a shower. The main reason I did this was because waterproof mascara doesn’t necessarily mean tear-proof. Or maybe I thought of this as a symbolic cleansing from 2017; or I was just really damn cold and I wanted to stand under the hot water.
Then I decided to watch an episode of the iconic Twilight Zone series. This particular episode featured a man who found himself completely alone in a small town, unable to find any other human. The poor guy cannot remember who he is, or how he got there. So, he runs around the town: made himself coffee at an empty diner; accidentally talked to mannequins; watched a movie; and even played around in the police station. This super confused man was so determined to find someone so that he could figure out who he is and what he’s doing there. But still, it appeared that he was the last man on earth.
While watching this, I actually felt that I could relate to this man. He was searching for literally anyone to talk to, relate to, and tell him who he is, but he was left absolutely alone. In NYC, a city with around 8.5 million people in it, I’m sure that there are many people who feel like me: alone, and searching for someone to tell them who they are.
Before my shower and watching the Twilight Zone episode, I sat in front of my computer Facetiming my parents. My mom (bless her soul) even poured a third glass of champagne that she would drink in my honor. It’s amazing that an estimated one million people showed up to Times Square to watch that disco ball drop, and here I was, also in the “Big Apple,” but crying to my parents over a computer screen. The fact that I was alone wasn’t necessarily surprising, as this sort of thing tends to happen to me a lot. Whether I am the last person thrown into group plans, but then forgotten later, or the one who ends up not getting invited to things at all, I am used to this. Basically, I am always the second (or maybe even third) choice. This has turned out to be a problem for me here, as New Yorkers have this habit of always looking for the next best thing. They delay making plans until they know for a fact that whatever they have lined up for themselves is the absolute best, most profitable, most beautiful, or most enjoyable thing. And isn’t that what we all want: the best and the most perfect? Life is short, so why waste your time on something mediocre?
Which brings me to my word for 2018: authenticity. Authenticity is defined by Google as “the quality of being authentic,”and authentic meaning “of undisputed origin; genuine.” I love this word, because I am so tired of pretending to be something that I am not. I am from Ohio. This simple fact has already proven that I am too nice to waiters, I actually text people back at a reasonable time interval, and I have a great, close relationship with my parents. But, here, New Yorkers have about as much compassion in their whole bodies as I do in my pinkie. Even though a transplant from the Midwest, I think that in furthering my quest for authenticity I will also be able to discover who I am, and hopefully grow more as a person. In turn, I can then surround myself with people, maybe even New Yorkers, who can accept and appreciate my
For the future of Tracie Marie Please, this means being authentic with my writing and my content. I know you people don’t care what I’m wearing or from where I bought my new jacket, and I simply don’t care that you don’t care anymore! I want to create honest content. And if that means that I try to do more good with this blog by maybe encouraging some of you to pick up a book for once, that will be fine with me. There are too many fashion “bloggers” on Instagram, and I don’t want to be considered one of them anymore. This industry has become so fake and self-absorbed, and that’s not me. I really don’t care how many followers my Instagram has, and I don’t have the desire to painstakingly try to make my life seem far more interesting than it actually is. I still love fashion (and I celebrate that fact every day while getting dressed), so I, of course, may write an outfit post from time to time. But I want to write about more concrete, real, “authentic” things. Mainly, I want to use my voice on this platform to do better. To be more genuine. And to not write 100 words on why I chose to pair a leather jacket with skinny jeans.
For 2018, let’s show each other some authenticity, people. Put down the phones, make some eye contact, think of others more, and be present.
Spoiler alert: It turns out this man stuck in the Twilight Zone was actually in a military experiment where he was hooked up to a bunch of wires. Apparently it didn’t go very well. Hopefully, my 2018 will turn out better than this episode.